anixety and panic attacks part 2

This story when i started back college on 2013. I was week later for start new college year because the adverts of my mum in hospital
my first day at college i was really nerve and when sat down at computer and stay doing the work to chance up with everyone else . i am sitting at desk still nerve and my heart beating fast and legs feel a little weak and i start to have tear in my eye cause i was scared didnt know what going on since i never felt like this before. The college lecturer seen i was upset took me outside classroom door and ask what wrong. I told her i wasn’t well cause i didnt know how to explaon what was wrong so i went home early.
My step dad and mum and little brother came and got me and i ask to get me appointment to go see doctor. In the doctor i explain everything to the doctor all thing that happen and that when he told me i have anixety and panic attack and gave me perscription to get temp meds and side effect i got where bad one of side effect i could get sleep and it was 5 or 6 am i was up and i went in to real worst panic attack i every happen in my life . i was nerve about going back doctors and i remember laying in my bed upset saying to myself i want to go sleep and everytime closed my eyes my heart beated fast then around 5/6 i went in full panic and after i calm down i feel sleep for about 5 or ten mins then woke up and got a fright i felt like i was dying when i woke up so i heard my mum was up so i went down her bed and i fell asleep cause i felt safe and didnt wake up 4 or 5 pm in afternoon and i was sick and only time i was that day so i had something to eat and just relax and done nothing . 
returning college my mum came with me to lecturer and i was in shock what she siad . she thought that what happen and i cut some of my classes to half a day 3 days i was in and other excited happened after but few week i just went in half days.
but then i missed a few classes and day i went in i was chance up on 2 assessment and what took class weeks i passed in one afternoon and i was please with myslef and bit confidence came back but that didnt last end week was when i get money from college help with supply and getting college bur never went in and called college they cancelled it cause not in full day and i was upset and feeling let down after passing my assessment felt ready to go back full days and this happen broke my confidence and felt let down by college but never by lectuers was not they fault so i had to drop out something i never wanted to do .
until this day 3 and half year since i still feel let down by they choice and never felt confidence to go back . how much i would love it . its scares me to be let down again.
thanks for reading 




Anxiety and panic attack story

Part one mum is hospital
Today i thought i would share my aniexty and panic attacks story well here i go on first experience was a day in 2013.
My mum was taken in operation so i was lefted with my few month old brother on my own , i had never been left with a baby before and i remember one day i was walk to bus stop with my baby brother i was really nervous and a little tired so i went on the bus parked my brother up and sat down and i remember standing up i felt my legs were like jelly so i sat back down and so i just focus on my little brother and make sure he was fine and after a while i started to relaxed when came to getting off bus i was fine again and in the hospital  my little brother needed this nappy change cause it went up his back , me and his godmother had take him to baby changing room only to find out i forgot his wipe and we had too use tissues and add a little water to clean and and that we had change his clothes and went back up to room to see my mum then we went home and i was fine rest of the day until later that night my dad message me to say my aunt cancer had gotten worse and i was upset she had been in my life since i was a baby and she soon will be going to better place .
While my mum was in hospitial deep down felt i was doing on my own and noone to help me . his own father was more interested in playing woth his car than to help look after his son anytime i ask his to help he said no to busy with car and after 2 days i was really tired cause i didn’t get must sleep so after my mum told him to take him so i could sleep and after we left hospital once again just mins of getting home he was going to leave his son with me after my mum told him to take him so i told him if he didnt take his son i would go my father’s then he will have too.

he took him but when he leave he was in a bad moody and bang the door closed and i cry myself to sleep cause i felt bad that i was tired and person that was to look after him care and protect didnt want him .
next day around 8 or half 8 in morning he showed up with my brother drop him off and basicaly ran out the door and i was once again left with my brother myself but i gave my brother and cuddle him gave him a bottle and back down . i remember telling him ” i am sorry that he has a father like that ” not like he understand . the last night of my mum in hospital still had force his to take his son and glad my mum would be home .
next day my mum was home and i did most of work since she still needed to rest but she did much she what she could will recovering

this was Part one aniexty story . Part 2 will be based going back to college next tuesday

Summer shoes june 2017

some of the summers shoes i like


White Bird Embroidered Lace Up Trainers



Size UK : 3 to 8 

Price: £27.99

Design is birds with flowers on them and they could go with most outfits

check link to get better look

White Bird Embroidered Lace Up Trainers







download (1)
Sorry for picture check on link website to see better

Colour: Nude

Price: £20.00

Design is nude colour sandal and has diamonds on the heel. I personal can wait to buy these sandals






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June 2017 canvas bags

i have found a few lovely  canvas bags


I have found these canvas design bags all different design and all canvas bag from new look and price each £2.99 .i thought these bags would be good for the summer if you plan a trip out in this current nice weather.

here is a couple of them:

download (2)Pink Pug Print Canvas Bag












download (4)Black Metallic Unicorn Canvas Bag













Gold Bride Squad Print Canvas Bagdownload (3)








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My Tattoo’s Experience

My first tattoo was the heart tattoo




I got my tattoo done on day after my 21st birthday .i decision to get the hear cause it was small and good one to get for my first time and took about 15 mins to get done. pain was 7 ot of 10 not to painfully . tattoo its self black out line and read and pink on left half on my tattoo.


My Second tattoo was two butterfly tattoos




I got tattoo on 22nd birthday and i plan to get this is was thought about getting tattoo  since the first time i thought about tattoo. To me it means ” spread your wings and fly and be free “.pain was 7 out of 10 and lasted about half hour to a hour




My third tattoo is a rose




My rose tattoo was done a few months ago and pain 9 out of 10. this was the painfully tattoo i have got so far and i do not intend to get any more on my fingers . i got this cause i love the design but i do need to go get a second touch up.





my main advice is to anyone planning to get tattoo before getting any that you think hard before getting it done


if you got any question then please ask away and i happy to ask around tattoo place and ask your question .

thanks for reading