sudden passing

29th October 2017


sorry i have not been blogging lately past few months have bad. on 29th October 2017 my gran passed suddenly  and i was in shock thought i would have few more years with her and now she is gone and  my only grandmother is gone.

she was in her late 80s and a wonderful gran and upsetting part was the last time i saw her we planning my dad big surprise christmas a new mattress from gran saying thank you for all the times he cared for her. i miss my gran everyday

Gran & Albin


24th feburary 2018


on 24th February morning i had few miss calls and facebook message from my brother to message him  and when i did he told me take the phone to my mum and he told me my dad passed in the night.

i went back up to my room and cried in my bed with the shock of my dad passing and i would never see him again and everything he will miss out on . we had wait few weeks for them to find out how he died and time for funeral i couldn’t face going because i wasn’t ready.

A week later i went to grave to seen my dad and place flowers and the funeral flowers were still on the grave and i was upset not visiting my dad but to find out my own brother never put my name on our dad funeral flowers after i try to help him but he didn’t want it.



Until this day my brother not spoken to me for no reason at all . i have try talking to him about on our gran birthday 11th may to meet to place flowers since first time without gran on her birthday .


Also i should not be surprise by his behaviour .our brother is 5 year old and he never spend time with him so guessing he just want a lonely life with no family .

i am not letting him but me down its his choice and i have amazing support from my mum and brother Ethan , aunt Lesley helping in this time.



thanks for reading



Part 2 of holiday abroad

after we got our picture taken we went to get dinner then in for that night watch tv. Next day we went to local pubic swimming pool and then we went on a ferry to a island where they were rides and we went on train track around once then me and my dad went on the big wheel then after we just walked around then time passed and it was getting late so we headed back for the ferry.


next day my uncle came and got us and took us to friend of his for lunch was second last day and we got to go swimming in his friend pool we had to were socks so we couldn’t cut our foot cause was not smooth. i remember he have a dive board and a slide but with side it didn’t work cause to warm to slide down so afternoon once the summer had cold down we manage to go down the slide and it was fun until we had to leave and drive back.


our last day there we just went to my uncles for a while play in his garden and relax then dinner was another warm day so next day was we were packed and ready for airport to go back home so coming home it felt so fast until we saw the lights at glasgow airport was early night when we arrived . once we got off place got our cases we went to find our car and put all cases home and once  we were home and drop cases off , we were back out again to get the dog and poor spot lost his voice from barking all the time we were away so we had get appointment at vet for him and few week later he was back at barking.


the end

First holiday abroad

my first very holiday part one

Me and parents and brother and gran went to canada back in 2004 i was about 10 . we woke up early to head to airport and dog called spot was put in kennel for the time we were away. We arrived at airport and my 2 aunts came to say goodbye then we when up tramp to the scan and i do remember i got upset i was a little nerve it was first time on airplane after going to scan of my bag , i start to relax and we waiting in lounge then time to board the plane .
I was seated at the window i saw out window , one thing i hated about flying was my ear popping . remeber trying sweets and earphone that could plug in watch tv and i think on plane for i think 4 hours not sure time glasgow to canada  

toronto . Once we landed we went got our bags and my uncle jim came pick us up and time we landed it was night time so we got keys to our hotel room my mum and dad and little bro in one room and me and my gran in another. Bags drop off and then we went to this place to eat not a really good place cause i never eat much after eating we went back up to our room and i watch a little tv before bed.
next day we went down subway and i remember going in shop first full day and spending money on barbie pilot doll and my brother i think got wrestler . after that we went got something to eat around corner of hotel and we eat there everytime cause only place we liked and my dad a diabete so he need to have food that he could eat and that was place to go. rest day we just explore around near our hotel then went in for night .
few day pass i went to a blue jays game with my dad and only thing i thought was not getting hit by a ball but game was really good and after it we met up with my mum , gran and brother then we walking and found a guy on street that done mine and brother picture ( picture is below )

My picture

next part hoilday will be next week thanks for reading remeber to follow lastest story or beauty and fashion and give story like and share

anixety and panic attacks part 2

This story when i started back college on 2013. I was week later for start new college year because the adverts of my mum in hospital
my first day at college i was really nerve and when sat down at computer and stay doing the work to chance up with everyone else . i am sitting at desk still nerve and my heart beating fast and legs feel a little weak and i start to have tear in my eye cause i was scared didnt know what going on since i never felt like this before. The college lecturer seen i was upset took me outside classroom door and ask what wrong. I told her i wasn’t well cause i didnt know how to explaon what was wrong so i went home early.
My step dad and mum and little brother came and got me and i ask to get me appointment to go see doctor. In the doctor i explain everything to the doctor all thing that happen and that when he told me i have anixety and panic attack and gave me perscription to get temp meds and side effect i got where bad one of side effect i could get sleep and it was 5 or 6 am i was up and i went in to real worst panic attack i every happen in my life . i was nerve about going back doctors and i remember laying in my bed upset saying to myself i want to go sleep and everytime closed my eyes my heart beated fast then around 5/6 i went in full panic and after i calm down i feel sleep for about 5 or ten mins then woke up and got a fright i felt like i was dying when i woke up so i heard my mum was up so i went down her bed and i fell asleep cause i felt safe and didnt wake up 4 or 5 pm in afternoon and i was sick and only time i was that day so i had something to eat and just relax and done nothing . 
returning college my mum came with me to lecturer and i was in shock what she siad . she thought that what happen and i cut some of my classes to half a day 3 days i was in and other excited happened after but few week i just went in half days.
but then i missed a few classes and day i went in i was chance up on 2 assessment and what took class weeks i passed in one afternoon and i was please with myslef and bit confidence came back but that didnt last end week was when i get money from college help with supply and getting college bur never went in and called college they cancelled it cause not in full day and i was upset and feeling let down after passing my assessment felt ready to go back full days and this happen broke my confidence and felt let down by college but never by lectuers was not they fault so i had to drop out something i never wanted to do .
until this day 3 and half year since i still feel let down by they choice and never felt confidence to go back . how much i would love it . its scares me to be let down again.
thanks for reading 



Anxiety and panic attack story

Part one mum is hospital
Today i thought i would share my aniexty and panic attacks story well here i go on first experience was a day in 2013.
My mum was taken in operation so i was lefted with my few month old brother on my own , i had never been left with a baby before and i remember one day i was walk to bus stop with my baby brother i was really nervous and a little tired so i went on the bus parked my brother up and sat down and i remember standing up i felt my legs were like jelly so i sat back down and so i just focus on my little brother and make sure he was fine and after a while i started to relaxed when came to getting off bus i was fine again and in the hospital  my little brother needed this nappy change cause it went up his back , me and his godmother had take him to baby changing room only to find out i forgot his wipe and we had too use tissues and add a little water to clean and and that we had change his clothes and went back up to room to see my mum then we went home and i was fine rest of the day until later that night my dad message me to say my aunt cancer had gotten worse and i was upset she had been in my life since i was a baby and she soon will be going to better place .
While my mum was in hospitial deep down felt i was doing on my own and noone to help me . his own father was more interested in playing woth his car than to help look after his son anytime i ask his to help he said no to busy with car and after 2 days i was really tired cause i didn’t get must sleep so after my mum told him to take him so i could sleep and after we left hospital once again just mins of getting home he was going to leave his son with me after my mum told him to take him so i told him if he didnt take his son i would go my father’s then he will have too.

he took him but when he leave he was in a bad moody and bang the door closed and i cry myself to sleep cause i felt bad that i was tired and person that was to look after him care and protect didnt want him .
next day around 8 or half 8 in morning he showed up with my brother drop him off and basicaly ran out the door and i was once again left with my brother myself but i gave my brother and cuddle him gave him a bottle and back down . i remember telling him ” i am sorry that he has a father like that ” not like he understand . the last night of my mum in hospital still had force his to take his son and glad my mum would be home .
next day my mum was home and i did most of work since she still needed to rest but she did much she what she could will recovering

this was Part one aniexty story . Part 2 will be based going back to college next tuesday